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 Post subject: Noggin and Cark
PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 3:49 pm 
Tha brothers Grin

“What do you mean it’ll turn me green?!?”

“From the inside out”.

“What do you mean inside out?”

“And you'll grow little tusks too.”


“Little sharp teeth, good for eating meat with.”

“Enough about meat, what about the mead?”

“Strong stuff.”

“How strong?”

“Turn you green.”

“Green ya say?”

“From the inside out.”

“I'm in!”

The tiny alchemist lab bubbled to a symphony of noxious spectacularity. Centred in the middle of the heavily laden work desk shone the object of their attention, a crystal vial inscribed with numerous runes of various origins. Inside a fluid pulsated with an earthy green shimmer. The liquid was alive, swirling in a mesmerising dance of chaotic eddies. Noggin's bulbous Dwarven eyes swooned in step.

“It's magic you know.”

The dwarf could barely hear the old goblin alchemist's voice through the pounding of his own blood, drumming up anticipation.

“It'll take you to place no dwarf has ever been.”

Noggin greedily rubbed his grass stained hands together, kneading the air of anticipation, raptured in the elixir's potent adventurous dreams.

“Did you bring the gold?” chirped Jaxin Chong, his goblin eagerness finally getting the better.

“Carkie! Pay the gob!”

A second Dwarf appeared from deeper in the room. His bones creaked as he shambled into the light, his pack laden with glinting metal.

His voice cracked a tentative reply; “Are you sure you want to go through with it brutha?”

“This is it mate! All the way to parts unknown!”

“Ah, yer'd make our ma proud boy! If only I was a century younger an' I might have joined ye too.” said Cark, a tinge of moisture swelling in his ancient clouded eyes.

“So Gobby, what do I do now then?”

"You drink it", said the wizened potion maker quite preoccupied by the sack of gold.

“Is that all?”

"You need to keep it down as well", replied the goblin, as he plucked a gold plate from the sack.

“Bah!,” snapped Noggin snatching up the vial in his eager meaty hands.

"Just take a tiny sip now. The concoction is very potent stuff and we're not exactly sure what effect it will have on..."

Noggin stood there trembling, the lip of the potion poised upon his bearded gob. There was a trace of the earthen greenish liquid upon his lips as the colour drained fully from his contorted face.

“Aww what ya gorn an’ done now brutha!” roared Cark.

Then with astounding swiftness the venerable older brother scooped up the underside of the gilded bottle and rammed the rest of its shimmering contents down Noggin's gullet.

“Bum's up boy!”

Jaxin stammered forward, "But it's highly potent stuff!"

“Good! We wouldn't want tha poor boy waking up with just a green tongue now would we!”

“But...” the old goblin was spent uttering under his breath, "it was really quite a rare drop...".

Cark grasped his brother tight in a stoic embrace.

There was an eerie silence followed by a ferocious tumble of rumbling. Noggin began to shudder violently as the potion took hold.

"What have you done you stupid dwarf!" cried the frightened Jax, clambering over the treasure satchel, scampering for the door.

"Look, he's steaming up!" chirped Carkie in obvious glee, as Noggin's skin began to sweat and boil and pustulate.

"His beard is coming off!" coughed Cark, stricken with fascination.

"I think he's going to explode!" screamed Cark, as he hurled his brother’s body forward and bolted for the door.

The Boucher’s Cauldron shook on its foundations; green smoke billowed through open gaps in the weatherboards, and a foul ‘foot rot’ like odour exploded into the air.

The poor dejected Goblin looked longingly at his once proud shop then down at his hansom payment.

“Well at least I have… What the…?!? Hold on, these are gold-plated!”

“Well of course they are gold plates. What were you expecting me to bring, gold pots and pans?”

“Bah… I hope he's spaghettified!" cursed the goblin, his ears sagging at the prospect of having his safe practices licence finally revoked.

"Nah, take more than some lolly water to bring me brutha down".

Cark tentatively tiptoed back to the battered shack and with an apprehensive glimmer he snuck a peek through the shattered threshold.

There --in a heap of glass and wooden splinters-- lay Noggin, Orcish limbs splayed out spreadeagle, totally green from the inside out.

Next stop: Orc-grandma!

Little Noggin’s turning green folks.

I’ve been dreading level 60 and facing the Outlands, again. So I’ve been racking my brains for a bit of a goal to see me through it. Then I remembered how wonderful Nagrand was on the Horde side… so me little Noggin is going to take a bit of a walk on the wild side and explore the Outlands as a full blown-out Orc.

The thing is I’m starting to really get to know all the cool people on the Alliance at the moment, so I’m a bit apprehensive about jumping skins. Anyway, I still have good old reliable Cark around to satisfy my Dwarven urges when they come.

I hope people are okay with this. I’ll be gulping the potion in the next couple of days I think, as I still have to clean up a few quest chains and such with Noggin and sort my luggage out.

Speaking of which if anyone would like anything transferred from the Alliance over to their Horde characters feel free to drop me a line in-game (on Noggin or Cark) or here on this thread. I’ve made myself enough free bag space to haul a few things over for you so don’t be shy to use it.

And please don’t ostracize poor Orcish Noggin if he’s a little confused in his ways. Heaven only knows what the brew has done to his Noggin.

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 Post subject: Re: Noggin and Cark
PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 7:01 pm 
Hey Noggin. Nice tale. :D

Looking forward to see you on the hordie side too mate. I think it'll be fun for Knobby to lob a few snowballs at you once you get over to the other side, he he.

I'd like to take you up on your offer to transfer something by the way. Knobby always wanted a kitty cat, so would it be okay for one of my ally alts to send you a pet to transfer to him? This gesture of good will could persuade him not to use any snowballs on you. :wink:

.... and remember: Once you go green, you never go back! :mrgreen:

Tethanel - Bloodelf Warlock
Alturos - Tauren Druid
Morglub - Orcish Hunter

Gnosher - Gnome Rogue
Fengar - Worgen Hunter
Alendhor - Nightelf Mage

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 Post subject: Re: Noggin and Cark
PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 11:23 pm 
Hiya Nano,

Sure, I can bring a couple of cats over, no problemo. I'll grab a couple Mothlings and Hawks and little cubs too while I'm at it and pop them in our bank for us to care for (not to sacrifice or eat okay Hordies! A pet is not just for the Feast of Winter Veil now!)

By the way has anyone seen Little Timmy lately? I haven't seem him at all. I assume he's still around. ... hmm... well perhaps he got dizzy walking around in circles in Stormwind and has gone to lie down. Fingers crossed he shows up again.


What about dresses? Is there any Alliance fashion that might take off in Silvermoon?

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 Post subject: Re: Noggin and Cark
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:35 am 
Great story :lol:
And welcome to the "dark " side :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Noggin and Cark
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 6:49 pm 
Wonderful (and funny!) transformation story! You know, I'd always firmly decided I could never, ever do a faction change... as to stay true to my characters - but you actually turned the whole process into something completely logical and possible (in the wow world) and have made me see the light! With a little imagination, even this is possible!

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 Post subject: Re: Noggin and Cark
PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 2:19 pm 
(the story continues...)

"Jax! Wha' cha gone an' done with me Brutha!"

Jaxin Chong’s ears shot up and began their twitching. They'd been doing that ever since that tragic day back in Booty Bay when he'd lost his shop, his home, his ingredient stash, and even his priceless coffee cup collection, all because he had taken the gamble and had done business dealings with Dwarves.

Argh Dwarves, they made his skin crawl and his lobes flutter. Horrid creatures Dwarves, with their puffy cheeks and grimy skin and porky bellies and itchy faces and grime-garbled voices and foul furrowed foreheads and crackpot calloused craniums and with their bad bad bar-room floor breath.

"What ya do to me brutha gobby!"

Jax's little teepee was nothing like his great shop used to be. He once used to serve important clients, influential clients, paying clients! He sold rare serums and spirits and all sorts of remedies like anti-chin-tendril-chaff-balm for wealthy Draenei, ear-stiffener for the Darnassian elite, silver-tongue-scrubber for disgraced Stormwind nobles, hoof-hardener for Thunderbluff braves and even skin-greener to the hordes of overly proud Warsong orcs. It was the skingreener that had done him in, that and the fact that he should have never ever had business dealings with dwarves.

"I want me bloomin' brutha back now, green cheeks!"

Jaxin was now working on something totally new, something special, something that might bring back more than his past fortune, something for the marvelous ‘massive market’. He had to focus now, this next stage was crucial. In order to stack the elixirs effects he had to carefully layer two syrups together over a hot cauldron. He had spent days syphoning off the crude oil from Deviant fish to form a pungent yellowish paste. Once he folded this together with his crushed Earthroot jam, he would make this new potion both powerful as well as delicious.

Every race supported wagon loads of wealthy roid romping warrior types that would jump at a pleasant tasting alternative to that swine swill that was currently dominating the markets. Who knows, this new sugary supplement might not even make their testicles shrivel, but then again, it might very well make their balls finally drop, off. Oh well, it wouldn't matter anyway if the warrior types couldn't procreate, just so long as they paid him first.

Jax carefully balanced the two syrup spoons in each hand. He was on the precipice of perfecting his sugary creation. All he needed now was a suitable name and the market was his. How about calling it 'Jaxious...'


A golden lit bubble enveloped the startled little goblin. It flung his precious spoons astray in twin gooey arcs. Jax fumbled to find his footing as he was hoisted up and suspended in a translucent sort of bubbly sphere. As he looked beneath he saw his two little feet begin to rise from the ground. He'd never seen this happen before. He hadn't even begun to mix the two substances together yet.

As he struggled to balance himself his arms began to churn around like two little runaway windmills. And then he was off!

The bubble went forward first, pitching his cauldron off of its stand, spilling the steaming contents all over the teepee’s walls. Then he rolled sidewards and sent his wooden ingredients shelf over onto his stacks of notebooks. Jax thought that he might be getting the hang of this as he reversed his flailing arms into an airborne backstroke kind of motion. Then the bubble struck the central pole and his little teepee came down around him as he tumbled tail over topknot around and around in circles.

Jax shut his eyes ignoring the muffled cries of his cloth workshop as it disintegrated around him. The familiar sounds of tiny explosions made him wince as substance after substance reacted with one-another. The bubble ball bounced with each blast until it came to rest in what felt like a crater where his establishment used to be.

It only took a mere matter of moments, but throughout its agonizing duration Jax knew that this time it was all over, everything would be gone. With a tremendous courage --previously unheard of by any known living Goblin to date-- Jax tearfully peeked out from under his ears to survey the scene of disaster before him.

There, in front of Jax loomed the disfigured face of a distressed dwarf.

"What have I done." sniffled the runty humanoid. "I thought I was doin’ me brutha good, but instead I've cursed ‘im to tha life of a green skin."

Snot streamed out of the dwarfs bulbous nose, mingling freely with tears.

"He's lost to us. He's gone fer good... fer bad.. He's just gone!"

The dwarfs’ eyes leaked oceans that tumbled down his vile tubby body, sizzling when they hit the floor.

Jaxin shot a glance down below him; his bubble ball had landed on top of his still burning hearth pit and smoldering flames were beginning to lick their way along the bottom of the golden bubble.

Jax felt a sudden giddy empathy with all the concoctions that he had so mercilessly boiled over the years in his lovely workshop. What a way to go, simmered to smithereens in a bloomin’ bubble; like that time he evaporated all of his expensive gold-flecked-tooth-enameller when he had tried to make it into a gaseous hair spray for a wealthy client. You should have seen the look on Sassy’s face as her golden tasseled dreams blew up before her eyes!

The Dwarf’s lacrimation and snot snorted forth like a geyser, coating the golden shield in a great Rorschach blot (named after the gifted Goblin inscriber ‘Rorsch’, who perfected the technique of scribing powerful scrolls through random blot scribbling. Every time he made a new discovery he’d scream “Ach” at the top of his voice!).

“Me brutha’s no more! Me beloved Noggin is gone. I used me Vision of tha’ Mind as best as I could, but there was nothin’ left! Gone! El’blanco! Zilched! Totally Nog’less!”

Peering into the dripping goo as it slid along the curved surface Jax could swear that he could make out the unmistakable form of a… beard. In the center of the beard lay something golden green and gooey, and it looked delicious.

“What’cha lookin’ at?”

The Dwarfs eyes followed Jaxin’s stare till they crossed upon, “Me sniffer?!?”

“No you devolutionary domkop!” screamed the Goblin, “On your chin!”

“Me beard?!?”

“It’ll save us all it will!”

Jaxin reached forward to pluck the perfectly folded Deviant candy from the bewildered Dwarf’s beard. As his fingers touched the bubbled shield there was a pronounced pop, and Jax plummeted downwards --ears trailing behind him— as he crashing down butt first into the center of the flaming fire pit.

“What is it? What was it?” squealed the overexcited old dwarf, his eyes struggling to keep pace with the fleeing Goblin who raced smoke trailing circles in his wake.

“This will save us all it will!” shrieked Jax, quite overcome with excitement.

He came to a screeching stop before the startled Dwarf.

“We can use this to hire a Gherk!”

“A what?” stammered the elderly Dwarf.

“A great green Gherk.

“An’ wha’ will tha’ Gherk do?” probed the tentative dwarf.

“The Gherk will merc this little sucker all over Azeroth for us! And then, we will... we will…”

“We will wha’?” gulped to Dwarf.

“We will save the world we will!”

And the Dwarf almost gleamed with glee before the Goblin.

“But what about me brutha?”

“The Gherk will find your jerk of a brother, and bring him back to us”

“an’ when he’s back…”

“I’ll turn him back to stone again”

“and he’ll be tha’ same old Noggin?”

“and we will have saved the world!”

“an’ we’ll ‘ave saved tha’ wurld!”

“One gulp at a time!”

“One bloomin’ gulp at a time!”

“And I’ll be richer for it!”

“And u’ll be richer fer it!”

“Good dwarf!”, snickered Jax, patting Cark on top of his head as the venerable Dwarf plonked down on his butt, overcome with emotion.

“And you will make sure to sell all of these delicious little Jaxious Jellies to every warrior folk you meet now won’t you?”

“Aye, that I will”, sniffled the Dwarf as tears began to well in his eyes.

“That’s the way..” beamed Jaxin Chong as he proudly strode out along the Rachet wharf back towards the boat that would take him to his beloved Booty Bay home, his ears shooting up to begin their twitching.

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